chronodove
views:updated:
diary
archive
02/16/26
19:48
today, me, my dad, and my brother and his friend went to the park. i took a walk and flew a kite. we also saw egyptian geese! it was fun.
i don't have much to say today. i'm sorta back to being stressed.
tommorow i will be entering my Bad Girl era and skip english to go have lunch with my friends. i don't think we'll be doing anything either sooooo. yeah.
02/11/26
13:43
warning: a lot of ranting and raving about petty friend drama!!!
a few months ago, i had a bit of a falling out with one of H's friends. she just suddenly stopped talking to me and never told me why. today, H told me it was because she felt that i was "double-sided." ????????? literally how. i was genuinely nothing but nice ot this girl. apparently i "acted different" with her than with H. hmmm gee idk maybe because i'm closer with H??? idk what her boundaries are and i didn't want to make her uncomfortable, since i know that i can be a little much at times. i guess thats being doubled sided now!!!! also, she complimented my hair once, and i didn't hear her and apparently made a face at her????? girl what. also, she's unfollowed me but kept me as a follower, making me look like a fan. GIRL WHAT. i'm actually so mad. i thought we had a good thing going on, and that we had a nice trio, but no no ofc not!!! because i'm DOUBLE-SIDED?????!!!!!!! i remember the first time we talked together, i thought she was super mature, but i guess not if you won't even try to communicate with me. i'm desperately trying to see both sides of this, but i just don't understand. i don't hold any malice towards her, despite how i may sound. i also really can't since H is still close friends with her, i don't want to make her feel bad or anything (yeah, look at how double sided i am!!! caring about other peoples feelings!!!!!!). apparently H has been holding to this info for a while, but didn't want to tell me. i understand that though, since i borderline started to crash out in the middle of class. i tried really hard to get on A's good side. maybe thats why, i never know the line between "being friendly" and "obviously trying too hard to get on someones good side to the point of freaking them out." the connection i feel with H is more genuine than what i felt with her. with H, it's more natural. with A, i felt as if i had to keep the conversation going. one of our mutual friends, Y, is having a dance recital and she asked us (me, H, A, & M) to come. i'm hesitating on going now, since H isn't sure if shes going to make it. the other people are much better friends with A than with me, so i'm afraid they'll alienate me. though, i should still go and support her, regardless of all the pettiness. i'm above this. yes.
nonetheless, i'm glad i know the reasoning now, despite how utterly idiotic it is.
i always wonder how i am to other people, i guess i've forgotten that people have other perceptions of me that don't match my own. this was a good check for my ego, lol. i'm also glad my friend told me all of this, but i wish she had told me sooner. i'm a lot more hurt than angry, and i hope in the future she realizes how all this felt like to me.
07:57
i didn't sleep at all last night. i had to catch up on calculus homework. i drank a probably expired energy drink, which i regret, because now i feel extremely sick, though that could also be from staying up all night. i've recently noticed that asides from sleepiness, i've been getting sick from staying up late, i get bad nausea (i'm 1000% sure i've talked about this before....and i will continue to do it!). yet i still do it. i've gotten like 30 minutes of sleep. when i get home after school today, i'm going to take the fattest nap of my life.
also, found out that shiboyugi isn't really focused on maids!!! i was deceived. though that doesn't matter, since i'm still really liking it so far. i've only finished episode one, but to be fair, it's almost an hour long, so its like i've finished 3 episodes! the style is so, so captivating. i haven't seen anything like it so far. i really love the ways their eyes are drawn. they resemble glass almost, its very pretty and pleasing to look at. i can't wait to finish it. the mysterious aura is still active, i can't wait to discover more. i still have many questions lingering about the show.
02/10/26
11:23
i've been doing a lot more research on the vegan diet, i've come to the realization that going fully vegan might be very difficult to me. many vegan recipes revolve around legumes, specifically chickpeas, that of which i'm allergic. now granted, the allergy isn't horrible, meaning it won't literally kill me like how eating eggs or nuts will, but it does make me want to die. i could try to pull a mithridates and eat a little bit of hummus everyday, but i'm not too confident. i think, before i leave for college, i'll have to talk to a dietician. there are still a lot of other options i can eat, but many of them lack in protein.
i might also have to go to the dermatologist for my facial eczema. i'm on a cream right now, which definitely helps, but i don't want to have to put on a cream for the rest of my life. i want this shit GONE. and i know it's possible because i used to have horrible, horrible eczema between my elbows and now its completely gone!!! i've had this every since i moved down south, for 5 years i've been dealing with this!!!! five!!!!!! years!!!!!!!!!
other than that, i've still been obsessing over akiba maid war. its been such a long time since i've fangirled over anime characters, 6 years to be precise! it's kind of refreshing in a way, to have something else to think about. i've been sticking to this maid theme and started shiboyugi a few days ago. its kind of a drab to get through right now, due to its slow pace, but i've been enjoying it a lot so far. i really love the art direction and scene composition, it is all very cinematic and i forget that i'm watching an "anime". but i think its slow pace adds a lot to the atmosphere, theres an aura of mystery in the first episode.
02/09/26
13:32
i went to library to do some homework yesterday. i was only able to finish some of my assignments. i'm not sure why i've been so anxious and paralyzed this six weeks.
02/06/26
11:11
i finished akiba maid war and oh my god my life is changed forever. i wish they had more episodes, because as much as i love it, i felt that the pacing was a little rushed. either way, i love love love love it sooooo much. it was so much fun to watch, i was literally never bored. ever. just. pure cinema. i honestly love the whole cast, but i really love the manager the most. she was the funniest imo. but i adore ranko and zoya!!!! i love badass women!!!!!!
in other news, i did actually make that banana bread 2 days ago. but it did not turn out well. it didn't rise at all and looks underbaked, even though i put a toothpick in and it came out clean. i suspect it was because of my pan size. my pan was quite big. but it also could have been my oven, since i have no idea if i did on convection or not. god this is so complicated. i'm going to try again, so i'll be going to the store again after school today. i'm not going just for that though, i also need to pick up some stuff for the makeup pouch, specifically cute & pink fabric!!! i also need to get a copy of the strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde for english. i've been reading and annotating it online so far, but my teachers going to be checking those and i don't want her to be scrolling through my computer, lol.
oh!! i completely forgot but i won't be getting lasik. apparently my prescription is so light that it wouldn't be worth it. apparently my left eye is a little weak, just like my fathers 💔.
02/05/26
13:42
i talked with my teacher this morning pertaining to my research paper and as it turns out, i was severely over-complicating things! i was trying to write both a method and a data analysis section at the same time, rather than just a method. this is important as the data analysis section is 10x more detailed than the method section which is literally just you giving a vague (not really, but. you know) explanation of what you plan to do. no wonder i was so stressed about it, we haven't even gotten there yet!!!!! i'm going to rewrite it now, but i think its going to be much much shorter and easier to write now.
i'm going to see H on sunday!!! on saturday, i'm going to get some fabric to make her a makeup pouch since she lost hers. i want to practice sewing more, so thats why i am doing it, but i also love her to death and will sacrifice everything in my life to her if she asked me to.
02/04/26
11:40
i got into my top college for ocean engineering! i'm so happy i could cry. i thought i wouldn't get in because my rank is so low, but it looks like it worked out! i'm so excited, i'll be studying by the coastline on an island! though the only thing is that its really far from my friends and family. my friend seems a bit upset at that, but i honestly don't really care. i wanted to be by the shore and water, so i will. i still can't believe it. i wasn't prepared for this. i was certain that i would go to community college instead. had you told me that i was going to get accepted YESTERDAY(!!!!), i wouldn't have believed you. honestly, this is just what i've needed. i've been so depressed and so tired that i've just been slacking of in my studies, especially in my research class. but now i must do well. i would be crushed if they rescinded my offer.
12:46
still comprehending in the fact that i actually got accepted. today after school, i shall make banana bread as celebration! i bought them almost 2 weeks ago, and i think they will start to go bad soon. i'm also going to make pasta for dinner, tomato and garlic with a little bit of parmesan.
02/03/26
07:50
i didn't mention this in my previous entry, but i'm going to try to be more consistent with entries. i want to write longer entries, and in order to do that i'm going to have to do it more often. that means i'll have to get used to writing shorter entries for the time being. i know that, eventually, they will become longer and more meaningful.
today is my eye appointment. i want to try to get lasik as my eyesight isn't that bad, and i think it would help me. though, it seems to me to be 50/50, half of the people who've gotten it say it is the best decision they've ever made, and the other half has said it has done nothing for them. thats why i'm visiting the optometrist!
09:55
i also forgot, i started akiba maid war last night. i've seen the clip of the maid getting shot many times, but i never had the chance to watch it. i watched the first 2 episodes last night and i'm really liking it so far. the blood is a little over the top at times, but its not that big of a deal. i also finally finished the martian yesterday. it was a fun read, though i mostly skipped the parts that weren't watney.......i don't know why it took me so long, i finished the road in a week almost and it was only 250 pages. this was just another 50 pages and yet it took a month??? whatever, i finished it at least.
i've been thinking about veganism a lot and i've think i might make that change when i become independent. i'm not sure where this has come from, since i've been eating meat my entire life, but it has become more and more disgusting for me. granted, i won't become fully vegan due to my allergies(chickpeas, nuts, oats & more!!!!! i love my life!!!!!!!!!! ((SARCASM.))), but i think i might become a lacto-vegetarian.
02/02/26
11:58
i've noticed that all my dreams recently have involved me crying or being upset in some way. it used to be that way, and then my dreams started becoming happier, and now they've gone back to this. one common denominator is that the people closest to me never help or comfort me, only strangers.
this part makes no sense, sorry :(. its more a word dump than coherent sentences fueled by emotion and a lack of expressive vocabulary
i'm back to being a horrible procrastinator again. sigh, this always happens. i think i'm doing well but i always revert. i know that improving yourself isn't linear, but why does look the opposite? the only times i see people fail when healing is once, and then they are good. am i missing something? yes, people are liars. maybe i'm too naive. it's hard to convince myself, i don't trust myself. i trust others more. i'm completely aware that people like about their recoveries and how they are the perfect person, yet i still believe every word they say to a T. 3 years ago, i didn't feel like a human, so much so i compared myself to a dog. that feeling is emerging again. i realized it again on the drive to school, i first thought about how many people don't like me, then i thought about the people who do, then i thought about why, and then i realized that i share many of them with a pet. will i only be loved in the way you love a pet? i don't know. i don't know what i am saying.in other news, i've started a new anime after finishing mirai nikki. it's deadman wonderland. so far, i've been liking it. it's a more violent than mirai nikki, which makes me uneasy and squeamish at times, but i'm still really intrigued by its premise. in a morbid way, i love the idea of having an amusement park full of prisoners, it feels like something that could happen. i love the warden, makina, shes an evil, evil woman hahahahhahaha.