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12/24/25

16:35

im so tired. had to remove my wisdom teeth this morning, so i didn't eat or drink anything at all. it was a terrifying experience. i loathe the idea of being knocked unconscious with no way to defend myself with strange people doing god knows what to me. i've heard many, many horrifying stories of people dying or getting assaulted under anesthesia. i didn't know who the doctor was, which didn't help me at all. and then my mom started to talk about me dying while i was getting set up?????? yes thank you that really helps. they had to give me an iv and i hate getting injections because i'm too skinny so it always hurts. they kept telling me to calm down but telling me calm down doesn't work because then i rationalize it as that there is something to freak out about. they said i wouldn't feel it but SURPRISE SURPRISE. the last thing i heard was "you might be starting to feel a little sleepy" and the last thing i thought was "i'm not tired at all" and BOOM. GONE. i didn't even get a count down.

when i woke up i think i was crying because my parents were beside me and my mom was patting a tissue on my eye. i also kept making noise and i could barely move my eyes and see. i also tried drinking water but my whole bottom jaw is numb so it didn't work. my mom and the assistant helped to walk me to the car to go home. during the entire time there, i kept mumbling about something. my mind worked fine but my body felt as if i was just born.

the surgery left me with holes in my gums, so now i will have to take 3 medications, an antibiotic, a narcotic, and a painkiller. additionally, i have a mouth wash that i must use after eating fo i don't get food in the holes. i will have to alternate between the narcotic and painkiller every three hours. including the in middle of the night. hahahahahhahahahahahhahahaah. my head is in immense pain. i was hoping i would be able to finish up my perfume page today, as i had bought a new perfume two days ago, but i think i will have to wait.

12/19/25

08:19

i probably should have skipped today. sigh. i'm so tired. i won't be able to go home after school today either due to the tint appointment.

i don't know if im in a bad mood or something, but i don't want to see anyone over the break. i don't want to listen to anyone talking, i don't want to talk to anyone, i want to be alone.

i have lots of activities i could do, many recipes, patterns, and shows to watch.

12/18/25

11:11

i got an appointment to remove my wisdom teeth over the break. i'm glad i can get this over with now, but i'm a little disappointed that i'll have to spend most of the break in recovery. hopefully it isn't too bad though. if it is, i can just crochet in my bed all day, i'm trying to make a bookmark currently but it's proving to be difficult.

15:01

i was going to skip tommorow because it is a half day, but my friend is coming so i'm not going to. i was able to talk to her for a bit during lunch today, i haven't been able to see here this week due to her being sick and skipping class to run some errands. sigh....i wish i had an afternoon off-period. mine is in the morning.

i recently learned how to add local files to spotify. this has been an absolute game changer. additionally, i use ios so i can sync the music files between my laptop and my phone, so i can listen to them everywhere!!!!! i've added a few songs already, but there going to be a lot more.

12/17/25

08:48

had to do an ai report for my paper and it came back 47% COPY-PASTED AI. NOT EVEN PARAPHRASED. another girl got 64% tho so i;mo okay :)

12/16/25

10:09

stayed up all last night for this presentation i had to deliver this morning. procrastinated as usual. i've noticed that i can't do all nighters like i used too, i get physically ill now and feel like throwing up. the presentation was fine, i stumbled over my words a little bit, but it was whatever. i was just talking to the camera, so i could practice & practice as many times as i wanted. i think i met all the marks though.

one of my friends hasn't been talking to me lately. its making me anxious. i don't know if i did something wrong. she doesn't even look at me. i don't know how to confront her without looking pathetic and desperate for attention. she's talked to everyone else in the class but me. i even asked H if she said anything about me to her, but apparently they also don't talk often. i might be over thinking this though, i also won't talk to people if they don't talk to me, so maybe i'll just have to strike up a convo. i've never actually thought about what its like on the receiving end of isolation. how foolish of me.

11:36

i'll need to start planning christmas gift ideas......idk what to make tho!!!!! i might go the thrift store this weekend and see if i can find any accessories i think my friends will like. i might also make them little crochet pouches or scarves, but i will need yarn for that.

12/15/25

09:34

last week it was really warm, it was in the 70's. now it is back down in the 30's. my dad left for india yesterday to visit his family. he asked if i wanted anything from there and i asked if he could get this kajal. i can't find it the US, and even if i did, it would be $5-$10 (there is one on ebay for $14 and it doesn't even ship to the us!!!!!!!!!!!) instead of $2 (₹179). it is a really good eyeliner and i've been using it since sophomore year. in fact, i'm still using the same stick a year later!!!!

we went on saturday to fix some bubbles in my tint. it's been about a month since we've bought the car, and the bubbles weren't gone. there was a small bubble on the back window, and the salesman said we could leave it or re-tint it. my dad decided it would be best to re-tint it.

12/10/25

11:44

i'm a redundant writer. when i proof read anything, there's always a part where i say the same thing twice in the same sentence.

i haven't been chatty, i'm sorry. my mind is blank. every morning i think, "yes, today i am going to skip school" but i can never bring myself to actually do it. i'm exhausted. winter break is the week after next week. i'll probably be getting my wisdom teeth removed.

this winter break, i actually want to do stuff. i don't even have an excuse for doing nothing this time around. i found a bunch of new baking recipes to try to make, and i have a knitting pattern i'm set on making. i've yet to buy the yarn or hooks, but i live very close to michael's and hobby lobby, in fact hobby lobby is on the way home from my school!!!

12/08/25

08:25

i kind of want to start vlogging, it looks so fun but i don't like showing my face and my life is so uninteresting i think it would pointless to show people it.

12/07/25

18:52

okay i did not meal prep i completely forgot

12/05/25

13:35

three entries in a row at the same time!

i've finished the first half of the road by mccarthy and its been a journey. this is one of the first books i've read by him, so it took a while to adjust to his writing style, especially his lack of punctuation. at first i hated it, but as i've gotten through more of the book, i think it adds a lot to the atmosphere. the rushed pacing matches the fast paced environment of the book, as when you're in the apocalypse, you wouldn't be stopping to admire the scenery. i still don't like how he doesn't use quotation marks, i think those should be added, as i personally find it hard to discern who's talking or not, especially in a paragraph. he doesn't do this too often though, so it's just a little quirk i suppose. i'm reading this for english class book club, and for the first time reading it in class i was behind. but last class yesterday, i was way ahead ahahahahaha.

my friend H also got me a birthday gift. she gave me a super fluffy rabbit plush and a fish(!!!!!) keychain. on her birthday, i kissed her birthday card with red lipstick and she kissed mine too. i lover her so much, she's my best and my closest friend.

i'm going to try to meal prep this weekend for lunch specifically. i don't like when my stomach grumbles in the middle of class, i don't like eating multiple small snacks through the day. i have these chicken caesar wraps that i want to try to make. i might just buy torilla's and stuff them with turkey meat though, but i'll try to make chicken ones.

12/02/25

13:35

it has been really cold lately. i don't really like it. i'm waking up cold in the morning, which causes me to not want to get up. i think it makes me sick too, as this morning i had the most excruciating nausea, thought i'm not sure how to fully describe what i felt. it also might (definitely) be because of dehydration and sleep deprivation. i needed to work on an english assignment but genuinely don't know how she expects us to do this stuff, there's literally no instructions whatsoever, i'm kinda banking on the rest of my class not doing the assignment either, i hope that's the case. otherwise i am done for. i don't know why writing assignments are so difficult for me now. it was hard last year, but my god, i can't even sit here and write for myself without having to zone out halfway through. i was writing a tutorial a few weeks ago and i've scrapped it because i genuinely had no idea what i was doing. 13 yo me would be ashamed. it could be a combination of things, i don't have a very good diet, and i get tired easily. i try to eat healthy, or at the very least eat at home. surprisingly this pisses off my mom, i guess she just doesn't want to do dishes. hopefully when i move out, i'll be able to eat better. i really hate where i'm sitting right now, the same place as yesterday. there are obnoxious boys that are too close to me oh my god you have the whole hall why are you towering over me right now i'm about to scream. all of this because the library doesn't want to open. i hate it here. but apparently this school is top 100 of some best high school ranking. what a joke.

12/01/25

13:35

i spent last week pretty much doing nothing. i couldn't bring myself to do much of anything. i really just sat around on my bed. i couldn't even crochet, i only made a measly bookmark and a frogged multiple projects. i didn't go out with my friends, since they were either busy or out of town for thanksgiving. i did however learn how to make pancakes, so i ate those for 5/7 days of my break for breakfast. i also went to go clothes shopping with my parents, i bought a really pretty brown dress for my birthday, two pairs of jeans, and three tops. it was black friday deal, so it didn't end up being that costly (it was still expensive though eheheh).

when my birthday came around on, i spent it with my family. we had lunch at olive garden where the waiters sang to me because my parents wanted free cake. they pronounced my name wrong, but i'm not mad about it. when i was there, i saw these two really pretty girls. my mom's friend came to my house to give me pink roses and a gift card. after that i took some photos with the dress i had bought a day prior. i took them on my digital camera and my mom's phone. i posed with the flowers my mom's friend had bought me and they turned out really good. my and family then went out for dinner and came home at around 21:30. overall, it was a pretty good day.

as i'm writing this, i'm sitting the same lunch spot i used to sit it as a freshman, in front of the gym door tucked away in a corner (a sign next to me almost fell on my as i was writing this!!!!!). the freshman boys next to me are disgusting and there is a very pretty woman in front of me. it is surprising how i still have the same reactions to the same situations, even from 4 years.